My Restless Feet

I got drowned when I was 5 years old, to the point where I turned blue and they have to apply mouth to mouth resuscitation to revive me. This is the reason why am scared of the sea or any major bodies of water and of swimming in general, that’s why up till now I never learned how to swim. Don’t get me wrong but I love the beach, the view and all especially the sunset and sunrise, I love taking photos of the views here and there with or without me, but it’s the thought of swimming, of drowning that scares the hell outta me. When I was with Vic in Bantayan, he knew am scared of the waters but still we went island hopping … now … I still feel like am floating, guess this is what people call sea sickness … the four of us (Diva, Penni, Vince and Moi) still feels that way as if we’re still on the boat in the middle of the sea with the big waves crashing … hanging on to dear life. I’ve never been that scared my entire life, the transfer to the second boat was already a tremendous thing for me, I knew I was scared with the act because I did something I don’t normally do … and that’s bit on the edges of my thumb. We were s’pose to go island hopping, but due to who knows what, the pump belt (dunno what that is) got ripped/broken that we were literally floating in the middle of the sea … stranded … no panic whatsoever as everyone was having fun and there were  still food and drinks in the boat. When the rescue came after a good deal of waiting (the second boat) arrived we have to transfer, I had to summon the nerve to “climb” to the next boat, grasp one of the proffered hands and settle safely on to the second boat.  What was my reason for joining this island hopping when I don’t know how to swim, when I’ve promised myself that I won’t ever ever drink alcohol again, when I’ve just been to the beach and has grown terribly dark …. Simple … the people, my team or should I say my previous team, I fell in love with the team, and am sure gonna miss it, but just as my team lead said, I’ll always be his agent … he’s definitely one of the reasons why am staying. Now I sidetracked, when we transferred to the second boat I thought we’ll be visiting at least one of the many islands around us but I was disappointed, never did we land on an island and all I saw was the sea, the waves, and other boats. Since I don’t know how to swim I was amongst the people who stayed in the boat, photo sessions were rampant here and there, talk, talk and all talk were scattered from one small group to another.  At one point I was talking to Eds and then tried to get some sleep, next I was off to talk to Mitchy … then later on the narcissistic in me took over and I was busy taking pictures with my cam. When we started to head home the sea was okay but when the moon takes over that’s when the waves started getting bigger and the sea was not as calm as before. Everytime a big wave comes up, the people sitting at the front got wet and I was one of ‘em … I didn’t intend to get wet but there I was, wet and shivering and scared. When those waves crashed in, and you can hear shrieks and curses from all side there was only one thing on my mind; “Ma, mag-uban na jud ta ani” …. It was a possibility I willingly accepted, after all it wouldn’t be so bad, miserable as I am now, what could be worst? Penni was starting the headcount to make sure no one’s missing, people were cursing and others must have been crying, I hugged Mitchy and like a lil child said, “Mitchy, am scared”; it took her a couple of seconds to finally respond, “don’t be” … I know she was scared to some degree but she summon the nerve to reassure me that things are gonna be okay. Am not sure what effect it has on me but when D said he felt genuine fear, I was struck …  When we knew we were “officially safe” and was about to dock at the back of Hilton hotel my next problem was crossing to the other side. I mean it was dark, and one misstep could mean falling down to the sea, not to mention it was slippery. Was able to cross successfully but darn I hate the feeling, tears of relief did fall down …. The next thing I had to think of would be our shift at 9PM, it was close to 8PM already and this would be our first time to go “Live Via Satellite w/ No Commercial Break” for TR … Diva, Moi and Penni resolved that no matter what happens we’ll never go absent (though the thought crossed my mind millions of times); went home to shower and change clothes then head straight back to work … and begin one working shift without any sleep.