*sigh* … received an email earlier from “He who mustn’t be named” asking me when I’ll get my passport, I was like “oh uh … this doesn’t sound good”. My long overdue out of the country escapade might be just around the corner, I’ve told him countless times not to pressure me about it. Grrr … and here he is asking me about it for the nth time. He means well that am sure of, after all I’ve told him over and over that if I remained here I might just as well get myself a reservation in an asylum.
I seem to be messing up lately … old bones being dug up causing hurt to people I never ever in my wildest dreams wish to hurt. Am thankful that they understood though and am not losing the people I’ve grown to care.
Went to the cemetery earlier to visit mom, if she was still around she’d be able to tell me what to do … I seem to be messing up since she left and I hate to think that in a way I’m disappointing her. This is not what she expected from the daughter she raised all on her own … couldn’t believe I have to think about multiple things at the same time.
Work – which if not for the increase I wouldn’t have returned; oh well there are a few people I don’t want to leave just yet.
School – what with midterm coming up next week and the many reports I have to make.
Life – uhmmm … struggling … trying to put back what’s left of the broken me.
Love life – can’t believe am using this term, but damn! which part of the word NO does he not understand?
I don’t need his family name damn! I like mine better, I don’t need a “f^cking” wedding ring, I don’t need to hear church bells, I don’t need a man to tell me what to do, to pressure me, to domineer me, to feed me (heck! I can still eat three times a day, thank you). I want love, affection, care and understanding not pressure, not someone to tell me how to live my life.
I’ve had near misses with the altar and I certainly don’t want a trip anytime soon. Single? So? Is that a crime? By choice mind you, fitting 3 white dresses and have someone tell me, I didn’t do justice to the dress by being so big was just a hellish experience.
My next catwalk on the aisle to the altar, I should be wearing pink and the guy waiting for me at the alter should be someone I can call my best friend, my brother … in short my all around handy man (waheheheeh … wicked!!)
*sigh* …. and I thought I’d live the rest of my years as a nun.
Ranting? hell yeah … I have every reason to do so.
