Comparing Christmas
In my previous post I said that I’m not all too perked up about this christmas, well I would like to take that back. I took the time to recall my past 2 christmas because that’s only how far I can distinctively remember. December 05 I was hit with chicken pox and the doc said mine was one of the few severe cases she’s seen in her life. I only have 2 scars to remind me of it (thank God) but without any exaggeration, the zits on my face were gigantic and filled with puss that looked like it’ll explode any minute! The biggest was the size of a 5 centavo coin right on my forehead. I still get chills when I remember those days. I got zits all over my body and I mean all over, little did I know then that even the insides of my ears and mouth and yes even my genitals were well within reach. I was more concerned with my face though, I didn’t follow a strict regime just so chicken pox could destroy my clean, pleasant face. I was ugly, angry and pathetic. I thought God was punishing me for my vanity.
Dec 06, I lost my phone (it has so many pictures of me) and ended my first ever serious relationship (20 months running). On top of those 2 I also lost something really important but I’m not talking about it. I’m just going to talk about the stabbing pain I felt at that point in my life. I didn’t know until then that such pain ever existed. Nothing in my life ever prepared me for it. I realized that no education could ever prepare us for real life’s lessons. That we have to learn it on our own without any manuals or instructors to turn to. Wouldn’t it be nice if there is actually a curriculum that deals with real life scenarios? Maybe people would have a better way of channeling their anger or pain and the world would be a better place. My responsibility towards my family is what kept me from just quitting everything. Friends also make a sturdy support system during your lowest. I lived one day at a time and that’s why I’m here now. I didn’t think of tomorrow because when you’re at your lowest and darkest, tomorrow is just a black canvass.
