Girl meets Boy. Boy asks Girl out. Girl accepts. Boy asks Girl out again. Girl accepts again. Girl asks Boy out. Boy accepts. So, they start going out regularly. And everybody is happy. This goes on for a very long time. But Boy is mum. He keeps his cards close to his chest. And Girl imagines boy is waiting for the right moment.
In the meantime, Girl starts building her hopes. And everyday, her heart beats a little bit faster in anticipation of the future. One day, unable to endure the unknown, she gathers the courage to ask Boy about the future. Boy is stunned. Boy declares he feels only friendship for her. Girl is crushed. What were all those months and years about?
Indeed, why do men and women go out with each other for prolonged periods of time with neither direction nor commitment? Well, although or two may be waiting for the right moment, the majority are simply not ready for direction of commitment so they cruise along in a safe, enjoyable and commitment-free relationship until the bubble bursts.
Almost always, it is the woman who gets hurt because it is usually the women who make the most emotional investment in any relationship. And while men can go out with women and enjoy their company for prolonged period of time with little emotional attachment, women are not as emotionally detached and indifferent.
I think that men and women could avoid so much pain in their lives if they treat each other with greater decency. Most of the time, we know when one is falling in love with the other and whether or not these feelings can be reciprocated. I have always believed that it is no sin to spend one’s time with someone who is also enjoying our company. But it is a great sin to continue to spend time with someone we know fully well is falling in love with us or is already in love with us when we know we can never see this person in the same light.
We may cherish this person’s company. But we cannot continue to spend time with this person. We cannot build hopes of someone we know we can never fall for and or grow to love in the same manner. Decency dictates that we must sever the friendship to save the other, greater pain in the future.
Why do men and women go out with each other for prolonged periods of time without direction and commitment? Because it is convenient. And it’s like having your cake and eating it too. It provides intimacy without commitment. Each can walk out anytime with little fuss and guilt. Because when no words are said and no feelings are declared, the relationship is not deemed binding although more descent human beings would beg to disagree.
I think that these kinds of relationship can serve their own purpose at a particular point in time but only when both parties are fully aware of where they stand. After all, when there are no expectations of each other, there is a little cause of pain. But we don’t live in a perfect world where emotions can be programmed. Even spinsters can fall in love on mad, moonlit nights.
- reading this reminded me a forwarded text message from a friend which goes:
you can never teach a guy to love the way you want to be loved
you have to wait for him to do it in his own way in his own time
that’s the saddest part of being a girl …
but you can never teach a girl to love the guy back the way she did before
if she already grew tired and fed up understanding and waiting
to be appreciated and loved the way she deserves to be loved …
that’s the saddest part of being an insensitive man.
I asked her can you possibly forward that to him too? So that hopefully he’ll realize? Hahay … hate this …