Calmly Asked
Was combing my hair while mom was standing by the sink doing something, we were talking about the elections and basically arguing bout my reasons for not voting. Told her I’ve lost faith in the political system of this country, would only vote once not a single candidate would drop by our house and offer cash in exchange for our votes. She said that will never happen, then I said so I’ll never vote. She said you gotta face reality, some things will never go the way you want them to. I said I’ve accepted the reality, I’m facing it but that does not mean that I’ll flow along with it. She said you are so bull-headed, I hate the way you keep pushing people away … you know they care yet you keep them out. I laughed and told her am not pushing them away Ma, just testing the waters. See who’d never get tired and would still persistenly show they cared. She said thats not a nice attitude, people do have their limits and you might end up regretting, losing those people who cared initially but got sick with you being so stubborn. Told her then that only means one thing, they’re never real and they’re never bound to stay.
Out of nowhere I asked her, what’d happen to me when you’re gone? asked it as calmly as someone asking what’s for lunch?. She said, you’d cry no you’d wail your lungs out. The misery and sorrow I’ve grown accustomed to seeing whenever I look into your eyes would double probably triple … you’d probably lose all reason for living but then again thats normal. Right from the start I’ve always told you that one day I’d be gone thats how its always s’pose to be and everyone will go through the same pain you’re gonna go through but time will heal you, will make you better. That’s what I kept telling you pain is easier to bear when you have someone to pour your heart out. Not the pages of your notebook, it will never comfort you, it will never tell you things are gonna be okay.
